Oh…Miss Jones!

VIENNA (Rigsby’s Cat)


Rigsby’s domestic cat. A black and white, ageing feline with the reflexes of a cat with rigormortis. He’s been Rigsby’s only companion since his marriage separation, a confidant, “Don‘t forget, your ill Vienna!” Who even, according to Rigsby, answers him! He’s not just a friend, more of a companion really. Rigsby has a perfectly valid explanation for the cat’s name, Vienna who, according to Rigsby, hasn‘t lost any of his reflexes just like him.
Philip:- “Isn‘t that a strange name for a cat?”
Rigsby:- “We don‘t think so”
Philip:—‘ “Why do you call him Vienna?”
Rigsby:- “Ah, well now; You take this cat to the door on the coldest night of the year when you‘d have to kick a polar bear out never mind a eat you show him the front door and if he sees another pair of eyes out there it‘ s goodnight Vienna.”
Vienna shares all the trials and tribulations of Rigsby’s life, he even holds conversation with the cat and, as with Alan and Phil, tries to continually pick an argument with it!! Vienna’s the burden of all Rigsby‘s futile attempts to seduce Miss Jones and is given a good kicking if he’s unfortunately in his pathway or within striking distance. He’s even been threatened with the idea of being stretched across a tennis racquet. However, on the very few and far between occasions that Ruth is receptive to Rigsby’s amorous advances, Vienna’s becomes the centre of attention and it’s greeted with a big hug and affection, “Eh Vienna eh… think I did me self a bit of good there.” It’s as if Vienna is as much a part of his attraction to Miss Jones than his filthy old cardigan is! Vienna’s never shown Rigsby any affection not even at Christmas when he’s in for a special treat of double cream, that is if Fred Baxter delivers the right order! No, Vienna’s not grateful, it’s just another day to him, “Just another-day…”, another meal another hole in flower bed and he’s on his way. If Vienna could handle a tin opener, well, Rigsby wouldn’t see him for dust. Saying that though Rigsby insists that, “Nothings too good for Vienna.” He spends a fortune on cat food, Chinese rabbit mainly. and always buys him the one the cat picks out on the television commercial, “Unerring isn’t it?” One of Vienna’s main advantages around Rigsby’s squalid room is to take the ‘rough‘ off the plates after a meal. “He’s a little marvel at getting the tomato ketchup out of the cracks.”
Vienna‘s referred to by his owner as…”Damn thing! “, “flea bitten monster” and “Yer bloody thing!” along with many an expletive only mouthed by Rigsby, but never heard. Even Philip refers to it as that fat, greasy thing, “Careful he understands every word you say.” It’s not until Rigsby believes that he’s run over his beloved, rank, old cat that his emotions are all too clear, “Oh! Vienna, Vienna! “, but the only thing that kills Rigsby is that he’s just stocked up on another load of cat food!

“Listen mate if you don‘t stop malting I‘m gonna give you a coat of Varnish…alright?…No one’s indispensable”

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